Liverpool is Remarkable

Yup, so remarkable that I took my wife…much to her horror: she thinks Venice is a proper setting for an anniversary weekend whereas I am more conscious of the environmental plight of the city with its overflow of tourists …to Liverpool for our wedding anniversary a few years back. Score after 1st inning: Bill 1 [for courage alone], Wife 0. No make that Bill 2, Wife 0, as my firm ‘friends of the earth’ stance deserves another point.  Of course, she got her own back by booking the most expensive hotel in town [after the Beatles themed ‘hard day’s night’ hotel] and the most expensive restaurant. Score after two innings: Bill 2, Wife 2.

But, as luck would have it, the advantage swung first her way, then mine, because the hotel, on HOPE Street, between the 2 cathedrals – a point for my wife as all marriages are ‘hopeful’ and this marriage is ‘between faiths’ as I come from a ‘Paddy’s Wigwam’ background while she has roots in sturdy establishment Protestantism [no way Venice can compete as it lacks religious diversity] - was also the location where Liverpool FC house their new signings until they get a flat or house of their own. So Rafa Benitez, now of Inter Milan, and Fernando Torres, now of Chelsea, might have stayed in our room, showered in our shower, slept in our bed.  Score after 3 innings: Bill 4, wife 3. Not to be outdone, more expensive restaurants were found [Score: Bill 4, Wife 4, Wallet minus 5], but I swiftly countered with the finest marble urinals in the world, at the Philharmonic, John Lennon’s favourite bar, where the great man no doubt sought relief on many occasions during his student days as he hardly ever went to class.  The ‘Phil’ allows escorted women to view the urinals [Bill 5, wife 4, wallet recovering as viewing the urinals is free]. Oops, I just scored an ‘own goal’ with the Phil’s marble urinals: Lennon was notoriously unfaithful to both his wives, clearly not a subject to be brought up on an anniversary weekend. Score after 4 innings: Bill 5, Wife 5.

Tension rose in the relationship as each sought the final advantage. We ferried across the Mersey and visited Port Sunlight, which didn’t change the score.  I suggested Stanley Park, she suggested Crosby Beach.  A stroll through a park [named after the same family which donated the Stanley Cup to the NHL Champions, but really to see the grounds of Liverpool FC and Everton FC which adjoin the park] or a stroll along a beach. OK, it’s August, let’s go to the beach…where 100 naked men stood staring out to sea. Final Score: Bill 5, Wife 6. Men will never win.


-Bill (Elsie is not Bill's wife)