Our new cleaner, David ran into some trouble...
You all know that we are commemorating the centenary of the First
World War this year, a war that the USA wisely kept out of until they came to the
rescue of the exhausted entente powers. Looking back on its origins, it was a
silly war, prompted by moribund empires protecting every centimetre of their
turf by crushing nationalist aspirations in the Balkans and central Europe.
What amazes me is that so many people were keen on donning uniforms and showing
the ‘Hun’, the ‘tommy’ or the’ poilu’ a lesson, get some souvenirs, and do a
little touring on the continent to liven their drab lives. In august 1914, the message seemed to be, “HAVE
SOME FUN, GET HOME BEFORE CHRISTMAS, WITH STORIES TO TELL YOUR GRANDCHILDREN.”
Few anticipated they would never return, or, if they did, it would be as mental
and physical wrecks. No children, let alone grandchildren and a generation of
women without husbands.
The silliest war of all, at least by its title, has to be the
‘War of Jenkins’ ear’. Robert Jenkins was the captain of the good ship ‘Rebecca’.
His vessel was boarded by Spanish coast guards who severed his ear. He pickled
the ear and returned to England where the PM invited him to parliament. The national
mood was for vengeance; how dare the Spanish sever an English ear. Thus began the
war of Jenkins ear which lasted on and off for 5-7 years in the1730s-40s.
Why am I bringing all this up? Well, over the past weeks, we
almost had an even sillier casus belli at the London Centre. Had it broken out we could have called it the
“War of ‘Elsie’s Chair’, that’s right folks, a war named after a chair rescued from
the Thames a few years ago by two student ‘mud larkers’. At the height of the recent
troubles between Russia and the Ukraine, our cleaner, David, was doing his business
hoovering, wiping down, dusting and washing. He briefly moved the ‘Elsie’ chair to the
front patio when our next door neighbours, with whom we share the patio, the Russian mission to the IMO, protested that
Ithaca was displaying Ukrainian colours at a time when the mission was on red alert for unsympathetic demonstrators
outside number 37. At 7.30 in the morning, when only David and Thorunn were
here, a red police car drew up and two beefy members of the diplomatic
protection squad emerged to have a ‘quiet word’. The officers politely
requested that Thorunn desist from displaying Ukrainian colours [and
sentiments] outside a Russian diplomatic mission. Thorunn, the essence of
professionalism and diplomacy, explained that the chair was painted blue and
gold which are Ithaca’s colours. The police remarked that she might soon be working out of a much smaller office, with
different vertically striped [as opposed to leaded] windows. With an air of
disbelief, similar to that of a progressive Archbishop of Canterbury, she wisely
agreed. Needless to say, the US Embassy added its tuppence and we had to agree
to withdraw our ‘Ukrainian’ chair.
Our neighbours insisted they had the diplomatic right to inspect
our building in case we had any other ‘offensive’ Ukrainian paraphernalia. The day chosen for the inspection was
Thursday March27th at any time between noon and 3pm.
Hence we needed to close the building and we used the
convenience of a gas board metre reading to explain why classes were cancelled.
The full story will appear in this Thursdays Ithacan.
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