Guess what? You never will, so I'll just tell you. I made a blanket!
I had a lot of help, and I'm really proud of it. The students, faculty and staff who knitted made some amazing squares, and I wish I could learn to knit the intricate patterns that appeared. I'm taking a lot of credit for this blanket, and I should probably mention that I was there as more of a moral support than anything else. I spent a lot of time asking for help, and a lot of people came through. The problem is that I don't have opposable thumbs, which it turns out are vital to knitting. How could I have know that before? In real life my thumbs are fine, but in my current situation I can't move them.
Anyway, I thought I would just drop you a quick note to thank you for your help making the blanket and to show it off to you. If it were possible, I would suggest you stick it to the fridge, but it's probably more important that we donate it the local shelter that we have planned to send it to. Until we donate it, though, I'm going to use it to keep myself warm.