11 April, 2012

Texts from Bill (not Clinton)

I recently discovered the blog Texts from Hillary, and I think I love it.  So it's logical that it got me thinking about our own Bill.  Of course Bill texts, too.  Here's a sample of some of the most impressive texts Sarah and I have received from Bill.  These are all quoted directly off our phones.

CMM: Running late.  Stupid District line
BS: Why not run the rest of the way?  Don't be a lazy sod
CMM: Arriving into Tower Hill.  Shouldn't be very late.
BS: Keep your head on.  Don't do an Anne or Kate!
CMM: I got balloons!
BS: I would not touch that line with a punt pole
CMM: Sorry I missed your call!
BS: 5 laps
CMM: Trying a new bus route, but traffic is rough.  Running a few minutes late
BS: Running?
CMM: On my way in.  Just leaving the German embassy.
BS: Did they ask the Beckenbauer question?
SD: Booked flight for ICNY.  Depart 15th, return flight 25th of March
BS: You disturbed the rugby.
(At the YMCA on the Bath trip) BS: Did you try my door?  Someone did.
SD: No it wasn't me.
BS: Had to do macho role and kill Mr. Turkey so will be late and miss bin men if they ring.
SD: [no response]
(On the Stratford trip) CMM: How long at the services?
BS: Long enuff!
SD: Can you let Linda know that I have no idea if or when I'm coming to Wimbledon as I'm waiting to hear from someone.
BS: (on one of his walks) You interrupted my discourse on the castration of William Wallace.
SD: I clearly planned it.  It was one of the students who gave me the tip off.
BS: Everyone understood the significance of your cut into my talk.
SD: I'll update everyone on Twitter in case some students weren't there.
BS: Only 3 students on the walk.
BS: Delayed by turkey shoot...ROVER
CMM: Is that slang?
BS: Queen's English, Shakespeare even, Chaucerian, maybe even the Venerable Bede.
CMM: Drive by shootings of turkeys in the bus lane by Range Rovers?
BS: Supermarkets have demasculated the modern male by depriving us of kill.  S Freud
SD: Prob get to Dorking shopping street at 12:15ish.  Will call you when I'm here or if there are any probs
BS: Gotcha.  On 11:01.  ETA 11:50.  How will we recognize each other?  Wearing blue QPR hat, John Lewis bag, following numero uno into shops, 3 paces behind.
BS: Hopping down high street.
CMM: On the bus to Elephant and Castle, then the tube.  Wish me luck
BS: Hope you win the lottery

Normally I do these interviews of Bill, and it's not much of a secret that he has nothing to do with them and they are completely out of my imagination.  But this has been an actual insight into what it is to work with Bill Sheasgreen.


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